FOLLOW YOUR NORTH STAR.
“So let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start...)”
― James St. James, Party Monster: A Fabulous But True Tale of Murder in Clubland
My inspiration from the very beginning, a very good place to start…
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The musical accompaniment for today’s post is the Sunrise New Year’s Day 2022 set by Jesus Montanez. Enjoy.
Three years ago, I began DaisyDoesIt as a catalyst to revive my creative engine. I worked for a company that made all of Baby David’s dreams come true, but it came at a price of my magic. I tried my damndest to conform to a more corporate regimen for what I thought would be in my best interest, but at the end of the day I am a Daisy in the Wind and I have to let the Wind take me. I left that job with no plan other than to shift my life focus back to the frivolous world of creating events where I find such immense pleasure. I knew that would mean I would have to leave NYC to go back South for a spell, and that would probably be the hardest thing I would ever do. So much so that I delayed it an entire year. And it was indeed the hardest thing I have ever done. But my spark was diminishing and my creativity was leaving me, and I absolutely could not let that happen. I knew that at my core I am a writer, so that would be a very good place to start indeed. If I could write for you, I would start to see my magic returning and expressing itself in all its ways.
So I wrote. I did gigs. I worked doors. I turned through functions. I stumbled through the wilds of my mind, conjuring up a plan for what I would do next to continue on this path. I kept chasing red herrings and glimmers of Hope in things that were never meant for me.
Because there is only one thing that was ever meant for me.
Through all of this, through every struggle, through every club, through every look, through every friendship or lack thereof, I had come to realize my Purpose.
That little idea that had been running through the back of my mind since those two words first passed my lips as my dear friend C and I were cavorting about, sipping cocktails against the wall at The Ritz, yes that little idea had started to grow and make its presence known in every facet of my life. It was calling me, and would have no other tawdry thing sway me from the path.
I had an idea for a little venture with C to do things the way we do. To create space the way we intend, combining our daylife careers with our nightlife ways.
Some of you know those two words. Fewer of you know more than just the words. None of you know what I truly Hope to create.
And that is the Purpose I found for my life.
The problem with Purpose is that you can either fulfill it or fail. And when I realized that, I only saw my shortcomings and feared failure. I became consumed with the fact that I would rather have my story end with me fresh as a Daisy with all my dreams ahead than as a ghost of myself toiling away at life with a dead dream and a broken heart.
I knew then it was finally time to make the move South to begin working with my creative partner again. It couldn’t wait another day. I had to go.
It was calling me.
I didn’t make much fuss. I didn’t really tell people I was going. To me, it was just a two-year stint ahead down South, and I would be coming and going just the same. I couldn’t have known what was coming, and that I would be cut off from the only place I’ve ever felt was Home.
In January of 2020, I missed a flight to a gig for Ultramaroon and Frankie Sharp. That began the darkest day of my entire life. Sure it just sounds like a silly gig for some party or whatever for you. But to me, that signified the end of my New York life as the person I had worked my entire life to become. To me, that was the end of DavidXDaisy. And to me, that was the end of my story.
Not only could I not achieve my dreams, I couldn’t even be DavidXDaisy anymore.
The only thing that saved me that day was a boy I simply could not put through that. I knew he would be the one to find me before anyone else, and he had been so, so good to me when I was unable to be so good to him in return. And he did come find me. And I was a broken person.
The thing about broken people is that they come back so much stronger. This was my second breaking. My first one was just before I moved to New York after a broken heart. And from that breaking came DavidXDaisy.
You know it sounds rather romantic when you think about the kind of bond you must form with a person when something like this happens. But that wasn’t the case.
Because of my Purpose.
If I was going to continue to live, I had to stay true to my Purpose. And that doesn’t end with an easy life and a happy little family in Atlanta. I have things to do.
As the pandemic officially began to arrive in the US, I felt that the worst was coming and that it was going to be long and terrible, so I knew I had to end things with the person that saved my life, because it would not be fair to him to keep us together when I knew I would have to continue on my path alone.
On that day, I had to make a choice between my Love and the Music. And you already know my answer.
Music is the Answer.
So there I was when it all began – alone in Atlanta with nothing but Bose speakers and Mr. Bear in a bare apartment that was in no way where I was meant to be.
Yet, somehow, it was exactly where I was meant to be.
It was calling me.
If I had been alone in Brooklyn during the pandemic, I would be dead today. That is a fact.
Yet, somehow, here I was with a place where no one gave a fuck about how loud my music was, with access to Piedmont Park for long walks alone all day, and nothing to do but dive into the Music that I had chosen over Love and start to fully embrace this thing we call Music, inch by inch, track by track. My SoundCloud playlists went from a few sets by DJs I love to a full discography of all the sounds I really fucking love organized by genre, event concepts, and various personalities I might don from day to day, darling!
From there, it would be several months of very unexpected phone calls and planning that would land me right back where I fucking started, art directing a magazine with my dear friend C after the former publisher decided she was done with it and wanted to know if we would make a go of it again.
At every turn, I thought it must be all the wrong things to do because it did not look like the right direction for me. Back to Alabama? Back to the magazine I was doing before NY? Back to all that?
It was calling me.
Something in my bones told me to trust the process, and that all of this was going somewhere, taking me to the places I needed to be. I fought it tooth and nail, kicking and screaming, but I had to trust the process and do the work.
I ended up with the space I’ve always dreamed of having, beginning to have the split time between the South and NYC I need so much, pursuing the next chapter of myself in the form of DJing as a means of understanding the heart of a dancefloor, and rediscovering a harder, better, faster, stronger version of DavidXDaisy than ever before.
Because the thing about broken people is that they really do come back so much stronger. I’m telling you it’s true.
Both C and I have been broken twice. And now we’re both twice as strong. And we’re working together toward those two little words that have been calling me through it all.
And that, my friends, brings us to the point of this long Daisy tale – the sort of thing you might expect to overhear from a perch in the bathroom at Alegria around Hour 7 or so.
None of this story has a damn thing to do with me. It has everything to do with you. And where you are going.
What I have learned from all of this, is that you may come to a point in your life when you may truly feel you have discovered what your Purpose is. When that time comes, it will be daunting, overwhelming, exciting, pure, and terrible. But when you hold that Purpose high ahead of you, above all else, guiding every decision you make, it becomes your North Star.
Follow your North Star.
I often speak the words, “Follow your light,” but have very often not had any solid advice on how to follow that light. When you are lost in the dark, you’re supposed to follow your light. There were times I could not tell people how to follow that light, and it seemed hollow words. The thing is you first have to embrace your darkness, know it by name, and then it is so much easier to see your light. And now I can tell you boldly, “Follow your North Star.”
In the darkness of every night, you may not be able to see where you are, where you’ve been, or where you are heading, but you can always look up and find the North Star, and remember your path. If you stray from that path, it is okay. Just follow your North Star. Refocus your intention, and continue on your journey.
My North Star manifests itself as a pink neon eye that watches over me as the moon rises and the Cheshire Cat grin fades away.
I’ve decided to say, “Fuck Fear,” and not let the idea of Failure let me stray from my couse. Fear is the wind that shifts your sails and the waves that crash against your timbers. But your North Star guides the ship, and Hope can clear your skies as the sun keeps on rising.
Never lose your Wonder.
Never forget to let yourself wander.
Always remember places you can call Home.
Follow your North Star.
Xx,
Epilogue
DaisyDoesIt.NYC was started as a blog to document me figuring out what exactly I would be doing and how I would do it. Now that I think I know what I am doing, DaisyDoesIt no longer feels appropriate, nor does the .NYC domain. With that said, I proudly present this site as DavidXDaisy.com, home to my nightlife creative works, including the occasional lofty sermons I feel compelled to share, interviews with stellar nightlife figures I admire, and music offerings put together as an exploration of sounds that move me and groove me. More to come. Thank you kindly for reading, listening, or just the passing glance and confused look. Carry on, darling.